Craving and Consumption
by holdupyourend
Summary: Juliet reflects on her relationship with Pauline and their 'first time' together. Heavenly Creatures fic, Pauline/Juliet, femslash.


Juliet could still remember the first time she'd gazed into Pauline's soft brown eyes. Her friend had come to the defense of a school drawing she'd made, and Juliet had been immediately struck by the simplistic beauty of Pauline's eyes, though she had acted somewhat haughty to cover up her sudden vulnerability. The two had almost immediately become best friends. Pauline was shy and quiet, but underneath the front she put up, she had a gentle heart that she would always open to Juliet. Juliet knew that Pauline was quite devoted to her. If she had been born a colder person, she knew how easy it would be to toy with someone who loved her so completely. It was not to be in this life, though, as the loneliness that Pauline had felt which drove her to care so deeply was reciprocated in full by Juliet. The duo were an unstoppable team, and Juliet felt that there was nothing in this world which could compel them to remain apart.

Then came the dreams, feverish fantasies where she would take Pauline by the hand to the bathtub and kiss her all over her body, or undress her friend in her bedroom and lie on top of her... Juliet would awake sweaty and tingling from head to toe, overwhelmed with a mixture of shame and excitement. Juliet Hulme had never been one to care about conforming to society's rules, but these intense dreams left her with a sense of inexplicable dread. She remembered vague whispers, from when she was stuck in the bloody Bahamas, of how consumptive patients often developed "sexual divergence", but she still was not exactly sure what that meant. Perhaps it was another symptom, another ethereal experience that set her above other human beings.

She did love to be close to Pauline. The darker girl was always eager to hold and kiss her, in the way that young girlfriends do, and Juliet in turn relished the gentle affection that she had missed out on growing up. When she was still being carted from hospital to hospital, often stowed away in isolation wards, she could go months without the touch of another human being. There was something about her dreams though, like a challenge or a dare, which made her curious to push the envelope with Pauline. She would press her body closer to Pauline's when they were writing together, and feel her friend's pulse quicken. She would languidly stroke Pauline's arms and legs, or kiss her in a way that lingered on too far to be friendly, and watch as Pauline blushed or even broke into a sweat. For all her high talk, Juliet had never actually pursued another person in her life, and she was eager to explore the line between playful flirtation and torturous teasing. Juliet was elated that her shy object of affection slowly began to warm up to her and even take the initiative, like kissing Juliet's ears and neck or whispering sweet nothings in her ear. Pauline had even written her a sort of love poem. Juliet wanted nothing more than to hold her sweetheart close and tell Pauline how adorable, sweet, and clever she was, but after all she had been through, to open her heart like that was still too frightening, so she would make generalizations about how wonderful the two of them were together and hope that Pauline understood her coding.

Juliet was still unsure about Pauline's own feelings until one night when they were bathing together. She noticed that Pauline was gazing at her body. It was a look of need, of craving, but it wasn't quite sheer lust. It was something far deeper than that, the expression of a need that they knew only the other could fulfill. It was then that Juliet understood their true nature of their intimate symbiosis: Juliet wanted to consume Pauline, and Pauline wanted to be consumed by her. Juliet had no idea how to react to this revelation, except after a few moments deep in thought, she reached forward and caressed Pauline's leg along her scar. Tears immediately sprang to Pauline's eyes at the heartfelt gesture, and she reached forward to clasp Juliet's hand. Juliet felt that it was as if in that one split-second, they had confessed all of their innermost feelings to one another and were now a couple in the eyes of the universe.

All along, she believed, they both knew where this friendship was leading. They couldn't go about walking everywhere hand in hand, or sneaking passionate kisses when they thought no one was looking, or experimentally touching one another whenever they shared a bed and not expect it to end up at a certain point. In her heart, Juliet had always known that the things authority figures whispered about the two of them were absolutely true.

And now here they were, fumbling their way through love-making with a kind of clumsy grace, kissing and caressing one another in their most tender and secret spots. Juliet, blindly guessing at what sex between women must be like, had tried to hide her nervousness by taking the lead, undressing Pauline and whispering reassurances in her ear. Now she was easing her fingers inside of the older girl, eliciting a sharp gasp. "Do you want me to stop?" Juliet whispered, hoping that the answer would be no. Pauline's eyes fluttered open, and Juliet saw something in her expression. Was it tenderness? Fear? "N-no...I-I need you..." came the reply. I need you. Those were the words that Juliet had longed to hear. She pushed deeper into her beloved's soft opening, working and moving her fingertips based on pure instinct.

Pauline was crying out now, whimpering Juliet's name, her real name. Pauline's own hand moved against Juliet's sex, and Juliet immediately knew that poor lovesick Pauline wanted nothing more than for the two of them to experience this together. She grit her teeth and shifted to let her friend touch her wherever she wanted. She cried out as her opening was first breached, but relaxed as Pauline gently worked into a rhythm. Juliet had never experienced anything like this before. The sensation of Pauline inside of her while she was inside of Pauline was overwhelming. She adjusted her rhythm to match Pauline, but her strength faltered as the two were lost to a rush of ecstasy. Juliet collapsed into Pauline's arms, out of stamina but still struck by the afterglow. They lay there together for a while, breathing heavily and contemplating what had just happened between them.

Juliet finally turned her head. "I want to tell you..." She swallowed hard. She wanted to tell Pauline that she loved her, but she still couldn't say the words. It wasn't that she was afraid anymore, but they felt so paltry and clichéd compared to the uncontrollable passion she was feeling. "I don't know what to say. I think that I would do absolutely anything to be with you."


End file.
